killing the sun

2002-10-31T12:59:00.000+10:00

goodbye. x.

2002-10-31T08:18:00.000+10:00

i haven't written in a while. things have been a bit busy.

i went to the halloween party at shelley's place, but i wasn't there for long. i was there, however, long enough to get drunk and have a fight with shelley. i haven't spoken to her since, and i wish we'd never had that stupid fight but i'm still annoyed at her at the same time. on sunday i stayed in bed with one of the biggest hangovers i've ever had, feeling like a dickhead. fun.

this week i had an interview that went well, but i didn't get the job. i really need to get a job, hopefully before christmas. i'm sick of not doing anything. if i still dont have anything next year, i'm gonna go do a tafe course. it'll give me a certificate and something to do at least.

anyway, thats all. i'm going out soon.

2002-10-25T14:04:00.000+10:00

my teeth weren't all rotten and i dont need them all removed. i just had a few cavaties and needed a few fillings. i got two done yesterday. the one that was killing me, and one opposite that. i'm on a waiting list for the others. my mouth was numb for about an hour and i was hungry as, which was a little bit funny. i didn't know whether i was eating my meal, or my tongue.

i can feel one of the fillings though, and i dont know whether its because i keep tongueing it, or because its bodged. i dunno.

the halloween party is this saturday. should be good.

2002-10-21T22:20:00.000+10:00

so, i've finally made an appointment with the dentist at the free clinic in blacktown. i was expecting a huge waiting list of at least a month, but after talking to the nurse and explaining what was wrong, she managed to fit me in on thursday. i'm scared of the dentist. he'll probably have to take the tooth out. he'll probably look at the rest of my teeth and suggest i remove them too.

my teeth aren't funky looking or anything. they're just full of fillings and probably a million cavaties. i really should have listened to my mother when i was younger.

2002-10-20T21:59:00.000+10:00

i really need to stop eating so badly. lately i've been eating so much shit. lollies, chocolate, vanilla coke, thick shakes, takeaway... ugh. i dont know whats wrong with me, usually i'm pretty healthy, and i need to get back into that.

a little exercise wouldn't hurt either.

2002-10-18T19:30:00.000+10:00

a bit over a month ago i broke my tooth. the last one up top on the left, and it didn't hurt at all until just recently. its really starting to drive me up the fucking wall, i tell you. i need to see a dentist, which isn't cheap, and i'm unemployed and really cannot afford it. i might have to call dad and ask for a hand. i'm so seriously about to rip the fucker out with a set of pliers myself.

2002-10-18T19:26:00.000+10:00

the death toll on the bali bombing is really getting quite high. its so sad and scary. i almost feel sick watching the news or opening up the paper. so many faces filled with tears and heartbreak.

me and mic have had a quiet week, which has been really good for mic. he's really needed this. we've watched tv, and played the 64, and just hung out a whole lot. tonight we're going to the movies to see the nugget with karen. i love australian films.

2002-10-15T17:34:00.000+10:00

danielle's back. we picked her up from the station yesterday morning looking very glad to be home and tired. she seemed to have alot of fun away at dad's so thats good. she bought me a frame and put a photo of the two of us in it which was sweet, and i've been happily munching on my rock candy, which cant be good for my already bad teeth.

i had a quiet weekend. i went up and stayed at shelley's place on saturday night, and we drank and talked all night until we fell into bed. its good to be able to spend time with her everynow and then. i didn't get up to much else.

mic has annual leave all this week, which is really good. he works 7 days a week and really deserves this time off. it'll be nice to spend the week with him.

anyway, dinner is almost ready, so i'll be off.

2002-10-10T08:57:00.000+10:00

with danielle gone, the house has been so quiet lately. sometimes she can annoy the hell out of me, and she knows that, but her craziness keeps me pretty sane at the same time. it'll be good when she gets home. it sounds like she's having a good time.

and she got my rock candy from suga, so i'm happy.

2002-10-08T10:06:00.000+10:00

i had such a nice long weekend. we didn't even do anything. we watched a few videos. we slept in. i let mic beat my ass at monopoly (i owned the whole last length of the board too). we lounged around. i went to shelley's father's place with her for a bbq. see. nothing to exciting. it was just really relaxing.

nothing yet planned for this week. i have a few job applications to send off today so that might change. we'll see.

2002-10-04T16:10:00.000+10:00

danielle left this morning for melbourne. she took her friend danyele with her and they'll be gone for a little over a week. our house will be very quiet while she's gone. i hope she has a good time and doesn't forget to bring home my suga rock candy.

i really wish i could have gone with her and saw dad too. i haven't seen him in over six months which i think is our longest gap since he left. i really miss him alot. i could go but i cant really afford it, and i need a damn job. i dunno. its hard because i could go and see him, if only for a few days, and then come home poor and still without a job, or a could stay here not (as) poor and get me a job and then not be entitled to any leave for a year.

its a bitch.

2002-10-03T09:34:00.000+10:00

yesterday i woke up in a puddle of fucking water. my bed had somehow sprung a leak and my sheets and pyjamas were soaked. i dont know how the hell it could have happened. i dont sleep with pins or knives. its patched up now so its all good. its funny now that i think about it.

speaking of bad luck, this morning i proceeded to spill about 3/4 of my coffe all over the computer keyboard, the desk, my book, and my lap. always fun.

today claire has her baby, i dont even speak to her or know her but because i've been reading for quite a while now, i'm excited. go wish her well.

i'm off now shopping. i have the car today. woo.

2002-10-01T08:52:00.000+10:00

i have something in my eye. its been there ever since i made a salad yesterday afternoon to go with dinner so i have a feeling it may be a bit of lettuce.

2002-09-30T12:57:00.000+10:00

i got my p's!!! i got my fucking p's!!!!

2002-09-27T12:05:00.000+10:00

my provisional driver's test is slowly creeping up. monday. fucking monday. i'm so nervous i will probably throw up on the poor examiner's lap. i've been playing this damn parallel park over and over in my head. i can do it, but i think its luck, rather than my actual parallel parking skills. i really hope i get them though, cause $99 just to do the damn test is a whole lot of money i dont want to be spending again (well not on a test).

i had an interview in the city yesterday, with a lingerie company. it seemed to go pretty well, and even though the interview was in the city, the position is really close to home, so we'll just have to wait and hope and see.

anyway, i hope everyone has a good weekend. i'm off to the movies tonight, and danielle's having her late birthday party saturday night. yay.

2002-09-27T12:04:00.000+10:00

happy birthday jeff!

2002-09-24T14:16:00.000+10:00

its so damn hot today. feels like summer.

i had an interview today in a legal firm in the city. fun fun fun. i doubt i'll get that one. oh well. i have another interview in the city on thursday but the job is really close to home so i hope that goes well.

how boring am i?

2002-09-22T11:02:00.000+10:00

i went up to mt riverview to shelley's place yesterday. i saw her on friday and i haven't spent alot of time with her lately so we organised it. i had a good time. we listened to music and talked about everything and drank beer before we fell asleep. it was good.

i feel extremely dehydrated and yuck today. its a gorgeous day outside though.

tonight we're going out for dinner. the local rsl i signed up with sent me a $15 voucher so we might as well use it.

2002-09-19T14:02:00.000+10:00

happy birthday kate!

2002-09-19T14:00:00.000+10:00

i had an interview today. it went really really well. it was with a furniture manufacturer and the lady there was really nice. it seemed like a really good place to work and it was nice and laid back and casual. i so so so want this job.

in other news, i've officially fallen in love with the vines.

2002-09-17T13:51:00.000+10:00

happy birthday, danielle!

2002-09-17T13:48:00.000+10:00

my interview today went well. its the first one i've had, so i was a bit nervous. hmm, i dunno. i know i should just take any job but this one would have me in the city at 9pm. i really dont want to be doing that. we'll see what happens. if she offers me the position, i'll give it a go at least.

2002-09-16T17:21:00.000+10:00

i had a driving lesson today. during the lesson we went and booked in for the provisional license test. it's in a fortnight. i'm nervous. i have a lesson next wednesday, and one an hour before the test. so keep yr fingers crossed for me, that i really start to get this parallel park. i can do it, just not everytime first go.

i had 3 phone calls today, and now have an interview for a job lined up everyday for the next 3 days. thank god. no one has called me back up until now, and i've applied for whole damn lot of jobs so i was beginning to get worried. the one tomorrow is retail and the other 2 are admin. keep yr fingers crossed for me there too.

i'm off to play house wife now and make dinner.

2002-09-15T14:30:00.000+10:00

i've moved myself back out to my room/granny flat. it was so cold this winter i ended up moving into the house for the entire 3 months. over the last few days i've been cleaning and taking all the things i dragged in here back out. i love my little room, and now that it's spring, it warm enough to move back out there.

you can really tell spring has hit this past week or so. its warming up, and i'm sneezing constantly like a motherfucker.

2002-09-12T23:51:00.000+10:00

today, it has been 3 months since i had a cigerette. they say as long as you can make it 3 months, yr pretty much fine. so yeah, yay for me. i've cut down on the coffee too, because a favorite pastime of mine was book/coffee/smoke.

now i drink too much diet coke, and walk around all shakey and shit.

heh. cant win.

2002-09-11T00:37:00.000+10:00

my nose is ripped to pieces because i have already consumed a whole box of tissues and now have to resort to using toilet paper. yuck yuck.

i may just not set the alarm and try to sleep as much of this off as possible. and then stay in bed with a book.

goodnight.

2002-09-10T01:06:00.000+10:00

argh! i think i'm getting sick AGAIN! this is just getting fucking ridiculous. i NEED a flu shot! my nose is all sniffley and my throat is sore and tickley.

i had a good weekend though, and a great birthday. yup. i'm 19 now. my little sunday drinky get together was fun, and today with mic was great.

i got spoilt with presents like a little fucking brat, i did!

clothing, clothing and more clothing from mum.
cash from dad.
the sims : livin large expansion pack and a polaroid spectra 1200FF instant camera from mic.
me so hungry cookie monster from danielle and her boyfriend, jeff.
candles, an oil burner, oils and lots of other nice smelling things from bec.
gorilla feet slippers, bridget jones' diary, and motorace's shoot this albumfrom karen.
coldplay's a rush of blood to the head album from tracy and shane.
a photo album from mic's gran.
denim flares and a shirt from mic's parents.

heh. i'm happy. goodnight.

2002-09-07T19:35:00.000+10:00

its my birthday on monday. i'll be turning 19. it feels so fucking ancient.

i know its not very old at all but this will be my last year as a teenager. the last year i'm allowed to fuck around and be a moron without an excuse. its just all gone so quickly.

i'm having a few people around tomorrow afternoon. not many, just enough for a few drinks and some pizza. should be good.

i'm trying to get mic to take me to westfield chatswood on monday for lunch and a look around. mic has an rdo, and i haven't been there before. it'll be nice to spend the day with him. he really hates shopping though.

mic's mum gave me a happy birthday beanie baby. woo.

i'll be off to eat dinner now and enjoy a boring night by myself while i wait for mic to finish work. have a good one.

2002-09-05T14:15:00.000+10:00

i won 10 bucks on a scratchie last night. woo for me.

2002-09-05T00:32:00.000+10:00

i'm feeling alot better today. i've thought about it all alot and i'm still upset, but i think i'll be fine as long as i dont let it drive me too far down. i need to get back into it and focus on getting me a new job more than anything.

i've already applied for quite a few so thats a start. wish me luck.

2002-09-03T15:19:00.000+10:00

i'm not as cut now as i was this morning about getting the sack. this morning i was a blubbering idiot. i even gave myself a nose bleed, which was not very attractive. now i'm just angry. fuckers. hopefully it wont take me half as long as it did last time to get a job. hopefully with this experience now, i'll have one in no time.

i'm just in a really angry "fuck you!!" mood, so noone better piss me off or i'll probably bite their head off.

2002-09-03T12:13:00.000+10:00

fuck.

i lost my job today. i've been retrenched. well isn't that just fucking wonderful. a complete fucking waste of 3 months of my life.

2002-09-02T16:33:00.000+10:00

i think i may be ready to take my driving test. my instructor has said i've been ready for a few weeks now, but i haven't felt confident myself. now i do. i had a lesson today and it went really well. 3 point turns, parallel parks, and hill starts, all went really well. i've booked a lesson for monday in 2 weeks, and i'll probably go book the test then. i'll just do some general driving with mic leading up to it.

i really love my instructor though. she is the funniest bitch. i think it mostly might be her accent when she's calling truck drivers assholes, but all the same. i love her. if we weren't on a lesson i think i'd be able to talk to her about her life, her husband, her cats, her everything, for hours.

2002-09-01T23:28:00.000+10:00

i intended on sleeping in this morning, but mic had to get up and go home before he went to work, and when mic isn't allowed to sleep in, and he's in a stupid mood, neither am i. i was up at 10am. wait. earlier because for a half hour before that i was poked and prodded and whispered loudly at. i was not impressed. sunday is usually my sleep in day. noone should expect to see me until at least some time after 1pm.

i went out shopping with mum and danielle this afternoon. i bought: a new oral b toothbrush with blue indicator bristles, a small spiral notebook, a pair of navy blue 3/4 pants, a pink billabong side bag for danielle's birthday, and a chicken cheese and avocado focaccia for lunch. mum bought me another pair of 3/4 pants in gray, but they're for my birthday. mic shopped on saturday for my birthday present and is having no trouble whatsoever in rubbing in the fact that i cannot have it for another week. he's also teasing and saying he might make me wait until the tuesday. he's such a bastard sometimes.

today was father's day. i called dad, and wished him a happy fathers day, and said hi, before we chatted for about 10 minutes. then i went off and had my little whinge.

i really dont get it. i'm almost 19 and on days like this, i still get upset and cry that i miss my daddy. i mean sure, i can miss him, but i think i'm old enough now to do it without all the drama of a 5 year old. i do miss him alot though. in 9 more months i'll be entitled to my annual leave, and then i can go down to melbourne and stay a while, so for now i'll just have to settle for my weekly phonecall.

happy father's day.

2002-08-30T17:33:00.000+10:00

i didn't end up going to work today. i feel really bad because you'll notice in the post exactly 2 weeks ago today i also took the day off, with a similar illness. i'm still on probation and its gonna look bad. i really must see about getting a flu shot.

i went to the doctors and (after abusing the receptionist and wandering aimlessly around the shopping centre for 2 hours because when i called her before i left my house she told me i'd be able to see him any time before 1pm and it was only 1215pm) he says i have pharangitis. anitibiotics and cough syrup and i should come right.

i still sound like gonzo.

2002-08-28T18:15:00.000+10:00

my fucking god, i feel like shit. real fucking shitty shit. my throat is so fucking swollen and red raw, and the pain stretches to my running nose, throbbing head, and ears that cut in and out as they please. i'm breathing through my mouth and when i talk i sound like gonzo from the muppet babies.

i'm ready to curl up and die, but i'm in a good mood at the same time. heh. its really odd. i cant afford to take off any days from work though, cause i had a day off last pension week so it'd look a little suss. pension day tomorrow is going to be hell. all the oldies and unemployed fuckers better be nice to me or i'll punch them in the head, even though we're divided by bulletproof glass. oh well.

2002-08-26T23:34:00.000+10:00

shit. its fathers day this weekend, on sunday dammit. me and danielle didn't realise until just now when a guy on an ad on television said it. we dont have time to buy an actual present this year, and postage is an ass to pay, so i'm just gonna pick up some grace bros vouchers tomorrow afternoon.

i need to go to bed. work tomorrow.

2002-08-26T02:00:00.000+10:00

i've been tweaking around with this thing for the last little while trying to make it look at least half decent. i'm happy with it ... for now.

i've already gotten slack and haven't posted since last monday. this week hasn't been anything all that exciting. work dragged like you wouldn't beleive. by friday i was so tired i just wanted to go home and climb into bed and stay there for a few years. i've had a nice weekend though, nothing fantastic or exciting, just nice.

on saturday night i went around to mel and ryan's place with tracy and shane for dinner and drinks. it was a good night. i didn't even know mel could cook, heh. we just sat a round talking in front of pulp fiction on television. i was telling them how i really really want to cut my hair and mel and tracy were trying to get me to do it right there and then (mel is a hairdresser), but i'm a damn wimp. soon. later. one day.

anyway, i should go to bed. i have another driving lesson tomorrow, but its not til 130pm so i still get to sleep in for a little while. if mrs. russian driving instructor insists that i drive in both lanes on the round about i will not be impressed.

2002-08-19T23:17:00.000+10:00

i had my driving lesson today. it went fairly well. slowly i'm picking up this parallel park. i booked a lesson for next monday so hopefully i'll be right with it after that. my instructor is a funny little russian lady. i find it a little hard to understand her every now and then because of her accent and she looks at me like i'm the one with english as a second language when i need her to repeat it. she also insists i drive in both lanes on the round about but i'll just ignore that. hopefully it wont be too long before i get my license.

bec and shelley came round today. i was expecting bec, but shelley just turned up without warning, which kind of annoyed me. alot of things about her annoyed me today. and alot of things about me probably annoyed her too. we really dont have alot in common anymore, which is sad really, because we used to have such a great friendship. i think we'll always be friends, but we'll never be close like we were before. people change. shit happens.

so i'm back to work tomorrow. fun! or not. mic has an rdo on wednesday and thats my half day so thats good.

i'm off to bed. goodnight.

2002-08-18T18:35:00.000+10:00

a-ha! chax.net is mori chack, creator of (there's a more official website) gloomy the naughty adult bear. if only i could read japanese. i still dont know what it all is. does anyone else? email me.

odd pictures aside, i've had a nice weekend. i still have a slight headache, and bad sinuses, but as long as i keep myself pumped with panadol, i'll survive.

i went with bec up to the hospital on saturday to visit billie and baby tyler. i could not beleive how tiny this baby is. she has the smallest hands i've ever seen, ever! i held her alot and she slept most of the time, waking up for a little while when i fed her and yawning every so often here and there. billie is doing really well, and coming along fine. we're planning to do something next weekend maybe.

today i went shopping with my mother and sister. mum bought me some clothes that she's gonna put away until my birthday. i just picked out a denim skirt and a few shirts for now. i'm turning 19. its such a big number. i'm getting old. well, not really, but pretty soon i wont have any excuses to be a dumb shit anymore.

anyway, i'm off to make dinner. i have another driving lesson tomorrow so wish me luck. i dont have too much more to do before i get my p's.

2002-08-17T21:42:00.000+10:00

this is even more fucking weird than that last one!

2002-08-17T21:38:00.000+10:00

what the fuck is this??!! i dont have a fucking clue, so please, fill me in.

2002-08-16T18:15:00.000+10:00

i didn't make it in to work today. i seemed to have aquired what i think is a head cold. i woke up this morning with a throbbing head, and blocked sinuses, as well as period pain, which is bad enough on its own as it is. i'm feeling a bit better now, which is good, but makes me feel guilty for calling in sick because it was probably really busy.

i spent most of the day either in bed or playing the sims. we bought it last night when we went to kmart on the search for something to releive our boredom. i'm addicted already. its like big brother, only i get to control whats going on.

tonight will be a quiet one with mic. tomorrow, i'm heading up to the hospital to visit my friend billie. she had a baby girl this morning, weighing in at 7lb 13oz, who she named tyler. so me and bec are going to head up there and do the whole congratulations thing and poke the baby and stuff. should be good.

have a good weekend.

2002-08-14T23:55:00.000+10:00

i didn't think i'd ever get back online from my own house again. early last week our computer crashed to the point where it wouldn't even turn on. i've had a bit of access through mic's computer but its not the same you know. i guess i'm just paranoid someones reading my emails over my shoulder, even though none of the people at his house are like that, and none of the emails i get contain anything remotely worth hiding anyway.

so tonight mic let out his "inner-nerd" (either that or i'm just a complete moron when it comes to computer stuff) and he buggered around with it for an hour or 2 and now, even though i've lost everything i have my computer back. and it feels new and fresh now so its not all bad.

but its late now and i'm gonna pay for it tomorrow at work. its pension day dammit. i'm gonna die. i do not like pension day...